I got an email recently from a young woman asking me whether or not she should get back together with her ex-boyfriend. Back story: They'd broken up and reunited a couple of times already. He dated her best friend in between relationships. Her family doesn't like him. She really loves him, but she isn't sure if she should go down this road again. But she really wants to, and she really thinks it could work this time, because he has changed. We have blind spots.

While it's great to be optimistic and believe that people can change (I'm a fan of this way of thinking, sometimes to my detriment), and "third time's the charm" and all that, I have to ask you readers…don't you think there's a red flag waving furiously and going unnoticed? It seemed pretty clear to me: she'd broken up with him before (twice) and her family doesn't like him. He dated her best friend. "But wait," she says, "everyone's got it wrong.

I don't know the guy, but if that many people are hating the man you're dating, he's probably an ass not the greatest guy around. They don't see him like I do. I know how wonderful he can be." While this might be true, there's a reason she broke up with him. Unfortunately, it's not so easy to see our relationships clearly from the inside. We carry an extra pair of rose-colored glasses. Again and again. I've been out with guys who I knew weren't right for me.

I dated them too long. I pined for them when we broke up, drowning my sorrows in chocolate or cookie dough. (I binge on sugar when I'm really depressed, not alcohol.) If they had come back to me wanting to be together again, I would have jumped right back in. Not because I thought it would work, but because I was in love. Or more accurately, because I couldn't bear to think of my life without them. And I would have been hurt again. To meet new people.